was it really all just a dream?
ever since the first cold snap
when the city was shortly after blanketed in snow
the crisp white winter landscape
made it hard to steal fact from fancy

how long will I regret, I wonder,
discarding out of hand those things I love
red silk flower reminiscence
and the sound of my name on your tongue
because I could not face the fear of losing them forever
if only there were a way
to take back the clouds I brewed in your eyes that night
I would swallow them whole

there's a gossamer haze been dancing off the snowdrifts
puffs of cold and ash swirling into my eyes
conceal my cowardice behind a mask
of coal-smudged lids and blood-black smile
and hide out in the world again

I dared to look from outside myself
saw us standing in columns of fire
star-filled galaxies streaming from your mouth to mine
and when you knelt over me that morning
the perfume of chimney smoke and bitters filled the room
and you said 'because my lady calls', I knew then

that it was only my fingertips
tracing patterns on a frost-rimed window pane
whispers disappearing in a cloud of breath
I'll never know what they said
winter pinched the sound clean out of the air
and one of her howling winds stormed me awake again

tracing figure eights on a frost-rimed window pane
(place it on its side and it's a symbol meaning infinity)

2005-12-08